Retrospective Wisdom

Is it just a fact of life that we don't appreciate things until they're in the past? I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Saipan, CNMI trying to set up an online storefront for the YouTube channel, and I can't help but think back to my time in Hanoi in 2020. I remember being supremely stressed and worried about the obvious problems of the world back then. I remember wondering if I'd ever be able to get back into China. And if life would ever return to normal. What I don't remember is relaxing and truly enjoying the amazing experience of living in Hanoi. I even remember being envious of a friend who had similarly ended up in HCMC (though he went before the pandemic, so he had established a life there) because it seemed to be the cooler city with more to do and, frankly, more mystique and somehow also more cosmopolitan.

Now I think back to my time in Hanoi and I think of it as one of the most amazing times of my life. To be able to live anywhere in Vietnam was an amazing gift from the universe. To be in Hanoi especially is quite possibly the best place to learn about and experience Vietnamese culture, food, and people. Whatever other problems there were in my personal life (that being employment) and the world at large, I know I missed a lot of what I should have been able to enjoy because I couldn't put aside these other issues and just enjoy the moment.

Back in the USA

 I just took a look at the last time I made a post on this blog and I'm surprised it has been this long. I knew I'd missed a few, but it's laughable how much has changed since last I posted. This, of course, is exactly why not many people write blogs. The stresses of migrating around SE Asia and trying to plohavehrough the paperwork for the Chinese work visa has dominated my thoughts for the past six months and it really hasn't inspired me to turn my attention toward blog writing. At the very least, it has made it too difficult to start writing the blog as a new habit. I'm hoping the little coffee shop I've found around the corner from my new regularlye it easier to come in and blog on a regular basis.

But that's already getting ahead oonyself. I'm going to try to do a quick catch-up for what's been happening over the past six months. For anything before that, you'll have to refer to previous posts.

In January of this year, The Vietnamese government rescinded the policy that allowed foreigners to remain in the country during the COVID crisis. The policy had been quite generous, allowing foreigners who had entered the country after a certain date to remain in the country without renewing their visa for two years. The end of the policy, however, was announced with less than a week's notice, so I was caught off guard even though I knew the policy would be ending at some point. The policy was also ended before schools had reopened, so the school that had offered me a permanent job before the lockdown had not opened, so my only option on such short notice was to leave. At that point, most countries in the region had not reopened their borders. Further, the United States was at the apex of COVID transmission at that point, and airfares were prohibitively expensive.

So the only viable option seemed to be crossing the border into Cambodia, which had reopened for tourism. The details have been documented regularly since January in Untethered Livestreams, the YouTube channel this blog is meant to document. But to sum up quickly, I was able to leave Vietnam and spend two months in Cambodia (the maximum amount of time a tourist is allowed to remain in Cambodia). After that, I got a flight to Singapore and quickly made my way to Malaysia (Singapore is a bit too pricy for my budget). I spent the past few months in Malaysia working through the various paperwork requirements for a Chinese work visa. Eventually, I was ready to apply for the visa, but discovered that the Chinese Embassy and the consulates in Malaysia were still closed because of COVID-19, but the Embassy in Singapore was not. So I spent a few days in Singapore trying to apply for the visa only to discover that the general policy of Chinese Embassies and consulates is that a person may only apply for this type of visa in their home country.

The final countdown

 Well, I didn't think I'd have much to write about this post, but as it turns out, I just got my invitation letter from China. Just to recap: all the paperwork that I've been trying to get done over the past three and a half months has been so that we could submit the paperwork for the invitation letter. ('we' meaning, the school). We just received the letter from the government and they sent the letter to me. Now we can book the flights, at least one week from now, though it will probably be longer considering how expensive flights are, and once that's done we can submit the request for a work visa at the consulate here in Penang.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the funds to book said flight, and I've spent the past week, yes week, waiting on a transfer from the school to my American bank account so I can book the flight. As of this writing, I'm still waiting.

This blog was supposed to be a way to document the difficulties of starting a Youtube channel and, specifically, my challenges in getting out of Vietnam and into China during the time of COVID. Currently, the difficulty is entirely in the US banking system. the week that it has taken has seemed unnecessarily long and it has reminded me to mention, at least at some point after we arrive in China, to talk about how much faster and more efficient the Chinese banking system is. Money, even cash, is available in your account instantly when you deposit it to your account. And, of course, most everyone uses one of the payment apps instead of cash or card anyway. It's unbelievably quick and easy when compared with the American system.

And that's actually where my mind is currently. What all will I be able to show on the channel and what will we discuss after we arrive. For four months now we've talked about China as if it's the promised land for the show, but we haven't talked a lot about what we'll actually do once there. I hope to do a few episodes on the approach, especially if the flight involves as many connections and layovers as it appeared it would when we were looking for flights last week. I would also like to do a few shows from quarantine. Those would be an opportunity to discuss what has happened and what our plans are for the future. But I'm most concerned about the period between my actual arrival in Yueyang and the first point at which we are able to get out of that town and do an actual travel episode.

There are, of course, a few sights to see and places to go in Yueyang. But even the biggest cities in China only warrant a few days and we'll be in Yueyang a month or more before we can do a proper travel episode. I can imagine an episode where we show my apartment and the school I'll be working at. That's one episode. We could show some of the surrounding areas and/or a popular mall. That's a couple more at best. It seems we may have a lot of episodes to fill up and not a lot to fill them with, but there are also a few interesting sites in the city, so maybe we can milk those as well.

As long as we can get past that first month or so though, I certainly hope we can begin to show China. Nearby cities at first, train in on the first day. Maybe an evening episode, then the following morning, and a train back in the evening, assuming I can get two days off next to each other. And longer trips away on holidays.

The plan is to use the next year to build a sort of 'back catalog' of episodes for people to watch once we get to a point where I can confidently promote the show. Which will likely be towards the end of this year. One big advantage of doing this while working a regular job in China is that we can learn how to properly put the show together and do episodes using a consistent format and without terribly much in the way of exotic equipment while we learn what our 'standard' episode is. After we see some degree of success, we will be able to work on new and interesting variations, but that baseline needs to be established first, I think.

Anyway, the next few weeks will be the most pivotal since this madness started in January, so I'll do my best to post weekly and keep in interested parties informed on what's going on and where I'm at.

Try, try again

 Okay, so the blogger app foiled my last attempt to make a post, but I feel confident that I can manage it this time. I'm doing it from the browser this time, so we'll see if this is any better. 

As I recall, I was at a pretty low point the last time I made a post. I did make it out of Cambodia, though not without extra expenditure. The PCR test not being within two days of departure caused exactly the problem I expected. However, the airline offered an unexpected solution: they suggested I go sound the corner and get a rapid test, which cost $30. While I couldn't help but wonder why they didn't offer that option before I paid $130 for the PCR test, I was still grateful that it worked out. I was able to avoid the visa overstay fee in Cambodia, which was the goal. 

I'm sure a lot of people would think that I'm overly concerned with this overstay issue, but I assume those are people with substantial funds at their disposal. I ran out of savings nearly two years ago. I've been coasting on fumes ever since. I've earned just barely enough to survive since I got locked out of China, and less than that since the major lockdown in Vietnam began. Furthermore, violating the law in a foreign country is generally a bad idea, even if you assume the penalty will be minor. For example, I was told that the fee for a visa overstay in Cambodia was just one dollar per day. Upon further research, I discovered that it's ten dollars per day, plus on day 30, it jumps to prison. This brings me to the main point: once you've overstayed your visa, you have to correct that before you can get a work visa. you need that to get a job to pay the overstay fee. See the problem? Best not to overstay in the first place. 

Since my previous post, I have been in Malaysia. It has gone mostly terrible since I've been here.  If you want those details you'll have to tune into the channel, but it should suffice to say that Malaysia, being an oil rich country, is very auto dependant, with all the problems that come along with that. 

Yesterday, however, was the worst here yet. Despite having booked days ahead, I was turned away from the hotel I was supposed to check in to on Labor Day holiday. No explanation except that they were full. I wasn't worried and quickly booked another. But after taking the better part of the day to get there, I ran into the same problem. Subsequently, every hotel I called or checked online said a similar thing. So I spent last night at a bus stop in town.

Both of these things require separate posts to discuss:

1. Gradually living through fears that have driven me since I involuntarily left home at 20 years old, and 

2. Why does they hotel industry get away with this shit?

Both of those will need to be saved for a future post since I'm at the new hotel now and really need to eat. 

A single fact

 I miss a lot of posts and here's the reason:

I just spent an hour writing a post for today and the app lost it. Just fucking lost it. Besides the aggravation of trying to type on a good damned phone while on the train, the shitty Google software can't even auto save. Something computers have been doing for over twenty years. I can only post from a computer. And only add photos from the phone. 

So nevermind. I'm going to stop feeling like this is me. I always feel like I haven't kept up with posting regularly because of this, but this shit happens a lot! Their stupid app isn't worth a shit so I'm not fucking with it anymore. I will post when possible from my computer. 

Just wanted to let you know. 

Feeling a bit low

Okay, I'm making a quick late-night post which I will probably have to edit later but I wanted to just get some honest thoughts down on the night before I try to fly to Singapore. In a last-ditch effort to avoid overstaying my Visa here in Cambodia, I booked a rather expensive flight to Singapore. This seems to be the only option for getting out of the country since all land borders are closed and all the adjacent countries which have reasonably priced flights have rejected me personally for a visa, a covid pass, or have simply not started reissuing visas to anyone. So the flight to Singapore seems to be the last option. In retrospect, with the amount of money I spent trying to do all these things it would have been easier to simply pay the hefty fee here in Cambodia to get the longer stay Visa. But of course, if I did that I would no longer have any money to live on or to search for the job that the visa is supposed to be for. In any case, the decision is made now and I'll be heading to the airport tomorrow to try and get on the flight. Unfortunately, after booking the flight and reading through the many, many rules and regulations on getting into the country, I believe that my covid test, which I took Friday, will not be sufficient because it was not close enough to departure time even though it is within the standard 72-hour window used by all other countries and stated on the form. Both Singapore and Malaysia however require a shorter window of two days. Upon realizing this all the dominoes started to fall in my head and I realized that I would be out of money, unable to board the flight, and unable to avoid visa overstays which I now can't afford to pay. Nor can I afford to get the work visa that I had hoped to get when I originally came to Cambodia. All of this together means that I'm quite trapped here and since my father has notified me that he's not going to help anymore and since I'm sure I'm at least a month or more away from getting into China for the job that I've been waiting for, I don't see an out for myself. 

Need... needless to say this was depressing. I know there are much worse situations to be in than the one I'm currently in but that doesn't stop me from feeling like there's no solution to this. I got really low today and I think I was able to communicate that to Erica who managed to talk me back to sense. But the truth is when the inevitable does happen tomorrow and they refuse to let me on the flight and I lose that money plus any ability to remain in legal status, every fear that made me spend half the day thinking about the best way to commit suicide without enduring too much pain today will come back. I'm sure that sounds extreme but the reality is that you do go to prison for overstaying your Visa for more than a certain number of days. The fee is not high at first but it doesn't climb indefinitely. Eventually it becomes incarceration. Without money to rectify the situation, that is the result.

Anyway, I decided on the roof. Without blades or firearms, I don't have the brute strength to do it. I would have to jump off the top of something and the hotel that I've been living in is under construction. I went up to the roof the other day to check it out and it's kind of a nice area. It would make a good open-air suite.

 Well, it's worth it to see if I can get on the flight. Maybe all this worry is for nothing and they won't notice the dates on the test. That seems highly unlikely though.

Given any luck, I'll post again next week. Although if I'm being honest part of what's causing the most distress is that this is just a way to get through the next few days. Even if I find myself in Malaysia by midweek there's still no way I can survive until the Chinese paperwork comes through. Whatever chance there was of that went out the window when I figured out that there was no way to get out of the country without spending hundreds of dollars and no way to stay in it without spending hundreds more. So everything I do from this point forward is just delaying the inevitable. Running out of cash and being stranded wherever I am at the time. To be fair I still think that the best place is Malaysia. They have a very generous entry policy for Americans and so does Singapore. Technically I could wander back and forth between the two countries without a visa indefinitely. Of course, I wouldn't be eating or sleeping indoors 😃😅

Triple visa fail and a lot of uncertainty next week.

 Well, it seems It's been another 2 weeks since my last post and I don't even understand how that happened because I didn't realize 2 weeks have gone by but apparently they have. In any case, last week when I didn't post with basically a lot of waiting and not knowing what to do until the end of the week when I finally decided along with some others in the Stream that the questionable job situation here in Cambodia was not a good deal. In short, it was $500 for a Visa so that I can work at a job that pays $400 a month. Additionally when I finally got the photos of the accommodations that would be provided they were substandard, to say the least. And I feel like the nail in the coffin was that the way I was supposed to get the visa was to hand my $500 and my passport off to a guy on a motorbike. he was going to come by the hotel and then disappear with them and I was just going to sit here and cross my fingers and hope for him to return. He probably would have but considering I have never met any of these people including the owner who is hiring me and charging me the $500 for the work visa. I and the others on the Stream decided this was not a good set up the risks were too high and the rewards too low. So ultimately what I've decided to do is go to Thailand. well, actually I skipped a step. What I decided to do is go back to Vietnam since they've been advertising for well over a month that they have reopened and the world can return to Vietnam for tourism. but when I went to the Embassy they quickly informed me there were no tourist visas for Vietnam meaning they were not open. so after all of that, I had to turn back to Thailand. Thailand has more than a few Requirements for getting into the country. Honestly, I'm not sure that I can meet all of them. at present, I'm not sure I have submitted my paperwork in time to get the 60-day visa which means I will have wasted the money that I put towards getting that Visa if it doesn't come back but more worryingly than that is that they have a requirement that you have $1,000 in your bank account if you want to get into the country and I don't have anything in my bank account I took everything out in cash because I had trouble accessing my money. After all, my Visa card was not here. More on that later. Let them look at an empty bank account and cash in my hand which shouldn't be too much of a problem except I'm having to spend so much of it 2 get into the country that I don't think I'm going to have $1,000 left in total by the time I board the flight with when they will also check to make sure I have $1,000. just a quick rundown I've also spent money on a flight that I am not going to use because they want to see that you have a flight out and I spent money on the flight there which I didn't even want. I would rather take the train but as I said all land borders are closed. I spent money on a fancy hotel which I don't need because that's what they required for one night how to do the covid test even though the test itself shouldn't cost more than $30 and could be done the day before you leave. that's not the way they want you to do it. quite a bit of money already to try and get to Thailand and I'm not entirely sure they're going to let me in when I get there or let me board the plane when I get to the airport because I won't have any money left and I will still be stuck here in Cambodia. So yeah, kind of stressful. anyway, that's all for the post. This week I've been spending so much time trying to deal with this and mental energy trying to deal with this and I'm just exhausted and emotionally exhausted. oh one thing I guess I should go back and explain the Visa issue after waiting several months to get my Visa debit card mailed to me it arrived a week or so ago which was great and I activated it and it worked for a few days and then the bank seems to have deleted it not deactivated not blocked it or you know put a caution on the card but to simply delete it just does not appear in my bank information anymore. Oh, and one final thing: we've increased the number of streams in the last couple of weeks and I'm quite pleased with the results. also turned away from doing little activities that I thought would be fun or interesting and just focused on seeing the sights in the city the most humdrum the ordinary you know museums and sites and I feel like it's been really good maybe this is the direction we should be taking the channel. All right, that's all, see you guys next week. Hopefully, I'll have more time to dedicate to this and hopefully, I'll be somewhere in Thailand at that point.