Visa Run Vomit: A Day of Sitting, Sighing, and the Anti-Adventure to Bangkok

So, here I am, perched precariously on this airborne metal tube, staring out a comically small window at the tarmac shrinking below. It’s another glorious day for a visa run! This time, the destination is Bangkok, a whirlwind day trip designed to keep my residency in Vietnam ticking over. And already, the familiar symphony of flying frustrations is reaching a crescendo.

Why, oh why, is everything in an airport priced as if it were spun from actual gold? My stomach rumbles, but the thought of paying exorbitant fees for lukewarm, questionable sustenance is enough to quell the hunger pangs… almost. And the legroom! Designed, I presume, for a species significantly smaller and less prone to existential dread than myself. Then there’s the pre-takeoff ritual of opening the window shades. Does the pilot need to peek out to check if the runway is clear? Perhaps he'll use them as rear-view mirrors when backing up? One can only speculate on the arcane logic of airline protocols.

And don’t even get me started on the security line shuffle. The concept of a queue seems to dissolve the moment metal detectors and conveyor belts are involved. Personal space becomes a myth, and the air crackles with unspoken impatience. But the biggest question, the one that truly gnaws at my travel-weary soul: why is flying the preferred method of travel?! It’s consistently the most miserable part of any journey, a tedious exercise in confinement and questionable snack choices.

Fast forward several hours and a mercifully uneventful flight later, I found myself with a precious three-hour layover in Bangkok. Surely, enough time for a quick foray into the city for some genuine Thai street food, right? Oh, the hubris! That "fairly fast and efficient" AirTrain proved to be anything but in my severely time-crunched reality. An hour each way, swallowed whole by the Bangkok sprawl, just to reach a street food market that apparently only materializes after dark and looked suspiciously like an extension of the adjacent mall. So much for "authentic."

Seriously, I have newfound respect for those intrepid travelers who manage to squeeze meaningful experiences into layovers. Anthony Bourdain, rest his soul, made it seem like a travel superpower. But for us mere mortals juggling connecting flights, maybe embracing the airport’s bland mediocrity is the more sensible strategy. I ended up with a deeply forgettable meal in a mall food court. The highlight? A decent bowl of Thai curry noodles and some free coffee samples – hardly a reward for two hours of train travel during a three-hour layover.

The rest of the day was the usual monotonous cycle of airports, buses, and planes. But here’s the unexpected twist: despite my best efforts to find fault, nothing actually went wrong. The visa gods smiled upon me, and I secured the coveted three-month permit. The border crossings were seamless. My flights adhered to the schedule. I even only managed to miss one class, a scheduling oversight entirely of my own making.

So, yes, a successful visa run on paper. But let's be honest, the term "visa run" conjures images of some grand, exotic escape. While jetting off to Bangkok for the day might sound glamorous, the reality is far more pedestrian. It’s mostly an exercise in prolonged sitting and the quiet desperation of waiting. And if you dare to venture out in a fleeting layover, you’ll likely find yourself spending more time in transit than actually experiencing anything worthwhile. I could have achieved the same level of "adventure" by exploring the duty-free shops or finding a slightly less depressing coffee kiosk at the airport.

Visa run? More accurately, visa-induced boredom marathon. Let’s all agree to dial down the adventurous connotations. It’s less a thrilling exploit and more a necessary, often tedious, bureaucratic hop. But hey, at least I’m legal again. Until next time…

Vientiane: Lovely... But Where's the Real Laos Hiding?

Alright, I'll give Vientiane this: it's undeniably lovely. A genuinely beautiful city, and the online chatter about its relaxed vibe? Totally accurate. I can see why folks would want to kick off a leisurely Lao adventure from here. But even in this seemingly serene capital, my inner grump can't help but pipe up.

Turns out, this "largest city" in Laos (with a population hovering around the 750,000-840,000 mark, though it certainly feels smaller) is also rather, shall we say, cosy. And when a relatively small city gets a substantial influx of tourists, well, you do the math. It's overrun. Now, I know, I know, tourism fuels the economy, and who am I to complain while probably contributing to the problem myself? But here's the rub: the very thing that makes Vientiane so relaxing – its size – also seems to have paved the way for a tourist-centric bubble right in the heart of the old colonial center.

Forget trying to stumble upon some truly local, genuine Laotian flavour in that central area. It’s a culinary United Nations of hamburger joints, Indian curry houses, and enough Korean and Japanese restaurants to make you wonder if you accidentally wandered into Seoul or Tokyo. And don't even get me started on the coffee scene! Forget finding those charming little spots serving traditional Lao coffee; instead, you're tripping over Western-style cafes catering to the latte-loving hordes. For a traveler hoping to immerse themselves in the local food culture, it’s a genuine disappointment. Case in point: I'm currently inhaling a bowl of decidedly Vietnamese pho, tricked by a misleading "noodle soup" sign. My own damn fault for not being more discerning, I suppose.

And speaking of disappointments (though this isn't anyone's "fault" per se), I had this idyllic image of Vientiane being right on the mighty Mekong, a vibrant waterfront scene. Reality check: the riverfront is there, sure, but the actual Mekong seems to have taken a rather dramatic step back, thanks to a massive sandbar. For most of the year, the water is miles away from the riverfront walk, which currently offers stunning views of… well, a sea of grass. I’m guessing the rainy season might change this dramatic landscape, but then you're trading a distant river for potential monsoons. Tough choices, weary traveler, tough choices.

The night markets, I will concede, are a definite highlight. Even smack-dab in the middle of the tourist zone, they manage to retain a local feel and are genuinely fun to explore. So, kudos for that, Vientiane. But with tourism only set to increase in Laos, I can already see the tendrils of tourist infrastructure spreading beyond the center. It doesn't look like this lack of genuine local experience in the heart of the city is going to get any better. Progress, eh? Sometimes I wonder if "progress" just means more "authentic" souvenir shops selling the same mass-produced trinkets. But hey, at least the beer is cold. For now.

Visa Run Vomit: Or How a Simple Trip Turned into a Comedy of Errors (Starring Yours Truly)

So, here I am in Vientiane, the supposed land of chill vibes and cheap beer, all thanks to that delightful dance we expats in Vietnam call a "visa run." After two glorious years in Hanoi, my temporary residence card decided to take an early retirement, and apparently, the only way to woo it back is a brief, costly separation involving a tourist visa. Fun times.

Now, back in the good ol' days (read: before everything went online), a quick jaunt to the embassy would have you sorted with a shiny new visa faster than you can say "bureaucracy." But noooo, Vietnam's gone full e-everything, which in theory is great, unless you happen to possess a Vietnamese bank account and a foreign phone number. You see, the online visa application is a breeze, until it's time to pay. Apparently, my perfectly functional Vietnamese debit card from a major bank needs to confirm via a text message… to my Vietnamese phone number that is currently switched off and gathering dust in Hanoi. Genius. The banking app offered no way to update the number, leaving me in a payment purgatory of knowing the fee but being utterly unable to fork over the cash.

Enter Plan B: the dreaded travel agent. Now, for a brief, possibly scarring, moment in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, I myself was a purveyor of packaged holidays and questionable advice. The only reason I escaped that particular circle of hell was the post-9/11 travel apocalypse. Even back then, in the dark ages of internet bookings, it was clear that the travel agent's primary skill was upselling, not actual knowledge. Fast forward two decades, and my faith in humanity (specifically the travel agent variety) remains subterranean.

Armed with all the visa intel, I walked into a nearby agency with a sliver of hope and a healthy dose of cynicism. Said hope evaporated the moment they quoted me $90 for a visa that costs $25 online. This exorbitant fee, I was told, was for the privilege of "rushing" the application. Oh, the irony. Not only did they fail to extract all the necessary passport information (cue a frantic late-night email for photos of the very document they held), but the visa they secured wasn't the standard 90-day one offered online. Nope, I got a measly 30 days. Thirty! Days! There's no distinction online, just fill in your desired duration under 90 days. And the rushed service? Apparently, the 90-day visa (which I didn't even get) couldn't be rushed anyway. The excuses were as plentiful as they were contradictory.

So, here's the kicker: this "quick and cheap" visa run has now morphed into a repeat performance in 30 days, thanks to the "expert" handling of these travel agents. They didn't seem particularly bothered by this monumental inconvenience and added expense, which frankly, tracks with my past experience in the industry. Why bother knowing your stuff when you can just upsell and blame the system?

Lesson learned? Apparently, at my advanced age, the universe still has new ways to remind me that sometimes, the old adages ring true. Like "never trust a travel agent" or maybe "if it ain't broke, don't make it exclusively online with a payment system designed to fail for expats." This little detour to Vientiane has certainly provided some prime material for this blog, even if my wallet and patience are feeling a little lighter. Stay tuned for Part Two: The 30-Day Dash (Because Apparently, That's All the Freedom I Get).

Addendum: The Plot Thickens (and Google Maps Saves the Day?)

Well, the digital age moves fast! Mere hours after posting my scathing review of the travel agent on Google Maps, I received a response. To their (very slight) credit, they acknowledged a mistake and offered a whopping $30 refund. Now, while I appreciate the gesture (sort of), it barely scratches the surface of the extra expense and hassle they've landed me with. This whole debacle is going to cost me significantly more than $30 in a repeat visa run next month. So, thanks for the symbolic drop in the ocean, guys.

And speaking of Google Maps, let's take a moment to appreciate its sheer power in the modern travel landscape. It's not just for finding your way anymore; it's become the go-to resource for travel recommendations. Remember the days of TripAdvisor reigning supreme? It feels like a distant memory. While it had its time, the platform has become somewhat diluted. Every other business in Southeast Asia seems to proudly proclaim their "Number One on TripAdvisor" status, to the point where the claim has lost all meaning. Plus, its lack of seamless geographical integration always felt clunky when you were actually on the ground.

Google Maps, on the other hand, offers a far more intuitive and location-aware experience. When you're wandering a new city, being able to see reviews and ratings directly linked to a place on the map is invaluable. This makes the reviews on Google Maps incredibly important for businesses catering to travelers. A few positive reviews can significantly boost their visibility and attract customers, while negative ones, like my recent experience, can (hopefully) serve as a wake-up call, or at least a cautionary tale for fellow travelers. It's a powerful tool that has truly democratized travel recommendations, putting the experiences of real people front and center, right where you need them – on the map.

Back in the Trap

 Forgive me Father it has been two months since my last post. I always say I'm going to post more often and then I never do. Well like most of life either nothing's happening so there's nothing to write or everything's happening and I don't have time to write it. Maybe that will change one day but for now, I'm going to insert a brief post just to catch everyone up on what's going on.

First off I say everyone and I'm fully aware no one reads this. But that's okay I'm not dissuaded and I kind of like it. I get to say whatever I want and I don't have to worry about anyone reading or judging the post. So today's post is going to be about yet another dire situation I've gotten myself into. no scratch that. it's not another one it's the same one. in January of this year, my stay in Hanoi Vietnam came to an abrupt end when the government canceled its automatic visa extension program. Well, that was frustrating. I had to start every discussion of this with how grateful I am that they allowed me to remain for the two years of covid. it's not as if they had to do that and it was incredibly helpful to me for them to do it. I very much wanted to be able to sign a contract with the school in Hanoi which is an offer I had before they ended the program but it just didn't work out like that.

Anyway since then I have been trying desperately to get back into China to complete the paperwork necessary for that. I have also been simultaneously trying not to get go back to the United States because I know what kind of a trap it is. I mentioned that I had walked back into this trap when I was fairly depressed a few months ago and Scott reassured me being the nice guy that he is that I hadn't walked into a trap and everything is going to be all right or something along those lines and while I appreciate the Good vibes he was sending, the United States is a trap. I mean I can arrive here with a little bit of cash an educated person an American-born citizen with an education and there is nowhere I can think of that I can go into the country and not be homeless in two weeks because if you don't have lots and lots of money you can't get home and you can't get around town and if you don't have a computer and can afford high-speed internet access you can't find a job. I've been here nearly 6 months now and there's nothing. unemployment right here is over 10%, they do not need any educated workers they do not need any uneducated workers because the island is full of people looking for jobs there are only a few types of jobs that are in high demand and that would be in healthcare the only reason they have those is that the Commonwealth here was smart enough to take all of the Medicaid on offer from the federal government which is great but unfortunately they haven't managed the economy to generate any more jobs and quite frankly neither has any of the rest of the country and it's much more expensive to live there. Had I been able to afford to go back to the mainland I would now be looking at you know a thousand plus dollars a month for rent instead of $120 which I can't pay here and I still wouldn't have a job. Anyway, I guess I should get to the point which is I will soon empty the last dollars of my bank account, and if I'm lucky it will be enough to pay rent for December, and then I will not be able to pay rent for January and I don't see any way I can make money before January there is not a realistic chance of getting a job I can no longer do online work because the computer is not functioning well enough. I can't get the thousand or so dollars it will take to get the paperwork to get into China which is what I've been trying to do all year so that's kind of off the table now. Yeah I've stepped into the trap and I didn't want to do it and I knew it was there and the Chinese requirement to be in your home country to apply for a work visa screwed me and back when I found that out I even looked into Vietnam cuz I thought if I can get to Vietnam instead and work somewhere there but the schools were not reopened there and quite frankly I'm not sure that they're even open for visas. They had said much earlier this year that they were reopening for tourists and everybody could come in and then when I went to get a visa to go back into Vietnam which I would have loved to have been able to do they said at the embassy we're not doing that we're not offering any visas. That shit has caused most of the problems this year I was under the impression I would be able to cross borders and it turns out virtually no one was allowing that

Well anyway maybe these short posts are better I just want to wanted to be able to make this note to get out my frustration I also want to leave you with a picture from my Thanksgiving here in Saipan which was very nice and which I am grateful to my friends Charlie and Christine for inviting me

Finally, I want to say that I'm going to try and start posting pictures of things I've done in the past and talk more about travel on this blog. As is often the case it seems like I may only have a few weeks left so I wanted to try and post some nice things from the past. This is close to Christmas so I was going to start with some December things from previous years and maybe just sprinkle in updates as I go through. 

The Search Continues

 When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Unless life crams those lemons down your throat whole. And chokes you to death. Then I guess you're screwed. Life hasn't quite done that to me yet. 

I'm sitting on a beautiful tropical island in the Northern Pacific Ocean, looking out my window at a beautiful, sunny day, with just a few clouds in the distance. I have a great job waiting for me in an exciting, exotic foreign country. And I have lots of free time on my hands! What's not to love about life?

Well, there's an asterisk to most of what's above. The beautiful tropical island is Saipan, which is part of the United States. That seems like it should be a bonus, but for anyone like myself, who has no money to speak of, it only means that I now become the perpetually losing party in America's neverending war on the poor. Mind you, this island has a high level of expertise in handling poverty. Food stamps and Medicaid are de rigueur, so hospitals, pharmacies, and grocery stores have no problem accepting them. And the offices that issue these public benefits are fairly fast and efficient in doing so. And friendly.

Unfortunately, it's all done under the same philosophy of 'helping those poor unfortunates' rather than citizens collecting benefits due, so the language is still filled with penalties for doing it wrong and the feeling is that someone is doing you a favor, even though I and the other citizens are collecting what we're entitled to, what we spent years paying taxes for. As Erica constantly reminds me, it would be far worse on the mainland.

The more substantial problem with being in the US, even if you only consider that a technicality, is that main problem that, apparently, plagues every part of the country: cars. Or more specifically, the lack of any other form of transportation. This island should be a case study of how insane reliance on the automobile can get. This island has the remnants of at least one town and the potential for several more. There are communities all over this 12-mile-long island, but so far Garapan, where I live, is the only one that even appears to have been walkable at one time. If you've never read my other blog, Battling Burnham, you may not know how I feel about urban development and American-style exurban environments. So I'll give a quick summary: I don't like them. A small, densely developed area can easily be walked, giving access to the most number of people possible. American-style, exurban development restricts access to those who can afford a car. This means anyone too poor, too young, too old, too handicapped, etc. can't get access to anything, from jobs to food.

So walking anywhere is out. Public transportation, like most of the mainland, doesn't exist. As a side note, concrete bus shelters all over the island aren't used for anything except advertising. Also, there's a Commonwealth Transit Authority in Susupe complete with publicly owned buses parked out front. I'm told they plan to start service next year, but only if you call  24 hrs ahead for a pick-up.

Retrospective Wisdom

Is it just a fact of life that we don't appreciate things until they're in the past? I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Saipan, CNMI trying to set up an online storefront for the YouTube channel, and I can't help but think back to my time in Hanoi in 2020. I remember being supremely stressed and worried about the obvious problems of the world back then. I remember wondering if I'd ever be able to get back into China. And if life would ever return to normal. What I don't remember is relaxing and truly enjoying the amazing experience of living in Hanoi. I even remember being envious of a friend who had similarly ended up in HCMC (though he went before the pandemic, so he had established a life there) because it seemed to be the cooler city with more to do and, frankly, more mystique and somehow also more cosmopolitan.

Now I think back to my time in Hanoi and I think of it as one of the most amazing times of my life. To be able to live anywhere in Vietnam was an amazing gift from the universe. To be in Hanoi especially is quite possibly the best place to learn about and experience Vietnamese culture, food, and people. Whatever other problems there were in my personal life (that being employment) and the world at large, I know I missed a lot of what I should have been able to enjoy because I couldn't put aside these other issues and just enjoy the moment.

Back in the USA

 I just took a look at the last time I made a post on this blog and I'm surprised it has been this long. I knew I'd missed a few, but it's laughable how much has changed since last I posted. This, of course, is exactly why not many people write blogs. The stresses of migrating around SE Asia and trying to plohavehrough the paperwork for the Chinese work visa has dominated my thoughts for the past six months and it really hasn't inspired me to turn my attention toward blog writing. At the very least, it has made it too difficult to start writing the blog as a new habit. I'm hoping the little coffee shop I've found around the corner from my new regularlye it easier to come in and blog on a regular basis.

But that's already getting ahead oonyself. I'm going to try to do a quick catch-up for what's been happening over the past six months. For anything before that, you'll have to refer to previous posts.

In January of this year, The Vietnamese government rescinded the policy that allowed foreigners to remain in the country during the COVID crisis. The policy had been quite generous, allowing foreigners who had entered the country after a certain date to remain in the country without renewing their visa for two years. The end of the policy, however, was announced with less than a week's notice, so I was caught off guard even though I knew the policy would be ending at some point. The policy was also ended before schools had reopened, so the school that had offered me a permanent job before the lockdown had not opened, so my only option on such short notice was to leave. At that point, most countries in the region had not reopened their borders. Further, the United States was at the apex of COVID transmission at that point, and airfares were prohibitively expensive.

So the only viable option seemed to be crossing the border into Cambodia, which had reopened for tourism. The details have been documented regularly since January in Untethered Livestreams, the YouTube channel this blog is meant to document. But to sum up quickly, I was able to leave Vietnam and spend two months in Cambodia (the maximum amount of time a tourist is allowed to remain in Cambodia). After that, I got a flight to Singapore and quickly made my way to Malaysia (Singapore is a bit too pricy for my budget). I spent the past few months in Malaysia working through the various paperwork requirements for a Chinese work visa. Eventually, I was ready to apply for the visa, but discovered that the Chinese Embassy and the consulates in Malaysia were still closed because of COVID-19, but the Embassy in Singapore was not. So I spent a few days in Singapore trying to apply for the visa only to discover that the general policy of Chinese Embassies and consulates is that a person may only apply for this type of visa in their home country.